i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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