okay pat passed out under dana's car
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
