Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
