I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
