hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
