it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
