if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
