i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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