Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
