we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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