She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
