You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
