Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
