"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
