um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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