Jerry, you need to find god
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
