Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
