i just wanna soil my oats bro
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
