dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
