don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
