scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
