You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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