Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize