guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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