I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
