it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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