I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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