The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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