Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
