I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
