Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
