You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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