Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
