So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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