remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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