At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you inspire me to be a worse person
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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