i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
