If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
