How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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