if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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