U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
