My hand turned me down
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
3pm strippers are depressing
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
