it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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