he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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