Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
