Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
