Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
