Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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