I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize