please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
