I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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