I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
