oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
