Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
