Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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