Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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