If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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