I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There r osticjed everywhere
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
