Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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