Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
