No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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