I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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