I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
They have beer where we have blood.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize