Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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