it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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