Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
