I need help removing her.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
