This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
