I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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