So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
