It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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