Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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