omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
